"my life"

I've never really had my own life.
I always had to do what dad wanted me to do, until I moved. Once I moved I shifted that to Granny. Granny has pushed me to make my own choices in life, and has pushed for me to take on that responsibility.
The problem is that it isn't my life. It's owned twice over by another. My choices (for my own good) must bend to His rule.
The hard part is shifting from being told what to do, to doing the best I can to stay in the will of God without being told right out "yes, you will do this" or "no, don't do that" or "not yet". While a lot of choices are said right out in the Word, a lot also are not.
Choices are what make up a life. Little events in succession one after another.
When one doesn't get the chance to make these choices, one doesn't know how to live life.
I have learned a lot the last several months on how to make choices, and how to take steps in life. I still have so very far to go to even be able to live on my own.

I have heard so many say to me that I should ever be on my own. That I shouldn't even take walks by myself. Every time I hear that, I wonder "Where is your faith in God, and in His faithfulness and care?"
I was raised to be a house wife if anything at all. I was to care for the house, and that was it-that was all I was taught. I was taught "do this, or else..."

I've had a hard time letting go a little bit of the way I was raised, to be willing to take on life. To even consider having a job, and caring for myself anything more than cooking and cleaning. Even, just actually caring for myself is something I've had to learn.
It's easy to deal with the idea that my life it not my own because it never has been. It's a little harder to understand what choices are pleasing to Christ. I am learning that by reading the Word.

I am thankful for my Grandmother who has been guiding me, and teaching me.

Vagueness!

It amuses me some times how many different people will be like "Is that about me?"
As anyone who follows my blog(s) know, I don't use names. Sometimes people will name themselves when they comment on it, and it was them I was referring to or about (these usually being my parents.)

Today I was talking with a friend who was asking this about the last post.
I told her some thing I'd seen before, that if something applies, maybe you ought to change (when it is something negative.)

I keep things vague as not to cause more trouble than I already do. This gives me a chance to work things out logically in my head as I type it all out, and am able to look at it, and some times read it out loud and see if I'm even thinking reality.

I learned pretty quickly there is a lot I can not talk about with out major issues coming up, which is why both my blogs focus mostly on the Word now. While I apparently still can get in trouble with sharing the Word on topics that apply to me, I still think it is safer.

There are a lot of things that just can't be talked about at all to anyone. In a way that saddens me, but in a way that is good. It has helped me to learn that (contrary to therapy) one does not need to talk about all the things that bother you. Instead, just dream about hitting them over the head with a big book! (Which I did dream about last night. How refreshing it was to be about to DO something... without doing anything.)

So, that's why I keep it vague. To keep myself out of (more) trouble, and to be amused when someone asks "Is that about me?"

Focusing on problems.

As granny and I talk in the car, we often talk about people that effect our lives, and how.
We are talking like this again yesterday when I make the comment "she seems to focus too much on her problems."
Granny says "You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"
A half smile crept over my face as I agreed.
Truth is, I often focus WAY too much on the problems and the bad. This is one of the things I am working on in my life.
I am trying to focus more on Christ, and less on everything else.

I am learning to use the Word as a tool to shape my mind. My goal is to have the mind of Christ as it says in
Philippians 2:5
Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:
The mind of a servant, the mind of God. Putting others first, and surrendering all unto God, even if that means facing the angry masses unto death.
I don't foresee having to face angry masses, but it ought to be something I am willing to do should God say so.
But I also have to be careful in this. It would be easy to suddenly say "Well, I have the mind of Christ now, so I can start just doing what I think is right." And the moment I say that, I know the mind of Christ is not in me.
Proverbs3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

Hebrews4:12 For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

Everything in my life should be decided by the Word. Every thought and action should be guided by the Word. 

The song "I give you freedom" AKA "The whippoorwill Song" states in the Chorus:

"I own the cattle on a thousand hills, I write the music for the whippoorwills, Control the planets with their rocks and rills, But give you freedom to use your own will"

In verse 3 it says "Even the oxen know the Master's stall, And sheep will recognize the shepherds call. I could demand your love-I own you twice; But only willing love it worth the price."

God gives me the freedom to focus on that which I would choose. He gives me the freedom to reject Him, and to ignore Him... But just because freedom is given to do those things, does not mean that they are the good things to do.

My theme songs in my life is "He's still workin' on me" and "Redeemed"

http://www.hymnal.net/en/hymn/h/301 -Redeemed

These are the things to focus on... God's goodness and grace. Being Redeemed, and serving Him.

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.