why I left home.&family visit.

Recently my family came up to visit.
(say hi!)

My sister and I were talking, and asked why I left home. (It was different wording, but same idea.)

I hope she never truly understands why I left.
I have several reasons, but the number one reason is the house next door.
I told one brother this, and he asked if I'd move back if they moved houses.

It is hard to try to explain things to siblings when you know they still wont understand. How could they?
I love them all, and I miss them some times, but I don't miss the house, or where it sits, or what it sits next to. The man hasn't lived in that house next door for many years, but the memories live there still.

I was in very bad health. I hadn't dealt with anything. I didn't know how to handle emotions, I was depressed. I was suicidal. I had to leave that place.

I enjoyed the time with my family. It was like my mind just clicked over to a whole different me-the old me, only without all the sorrow. I jumped right back in with my brothers with their teasing play, putting on faces to "scare" or act scared. Right back into being the ear for anyone with any pointless thing to say. Right back into (almost) all those things I left behind when I left that home.
It was nice. It was a new, yet familiar way of being.
It was stressful since I am no longer used to so many people, yet it seemed like it'd never been any other way.
No one changed, other than getting taller, and a little older physically.

Memories good and bad make up lives. It's how you choose to respond to them that makes you who you are. 

How I overcame depression.

I was down. For years. Some of my friends told me I ought to be on medicine for it. I was to the point of suicidal. But I'm not anymore. Why? So glad you asked.
I used to walk around thinking I deserved the worst anyone could throw at me. I'd heard it all my life. I deserved an eternity of suffering and more. I carried that with me, not really understanding what it meant. Because of that I sought out being hurt, and hurt myself. I told myself I deserved it.
Then one day, as I sat humming songs that popped into my head. The song that caught my attention was "Unworthy."
"Unworthy am I of the Grace that He gave. Unworthy to hold to His hand. Amazed that a King would reach down to a slave. This Love I can not understand. Unworthy. Unworthy. A beggar in bondage and alone. But HE MADE ME WORTHY and now by His grace, His mercy has made me His own."

It wasn't a snap and I was all different, though it was. From the moment I realized I no longer "Deserve" eternal suffering, I was able to hold to this, and slowly change my thinking.
Granny commented the other day that I hadn't "Been in one of those moods" in a long while. And I don't think I ever will be again.

I used to hammer myself of sins I've done. And the one that always got to me the most was when, like Eve, I was tricked into it. A few people have told me that being raped wasn't a sin *I* committed. They told me I was still a virgin until it was my choice to not be. I never could believe this. Even before I accepted Christ, I knew it was still a sin. This haunted me until I knew it, too, is covered by His blood.
He paid the price for all sins, even, and maybe especially, those committed without knowing.

Mother's Day-Grand Mom.

This is my first mother's day away from my mom... But I am not mom-less.
Today, I am thankful for my mom, who gave me birth, but I am also thankful for my Grand-mom who has taken care of me this last year. She is my best friend. She pushes me to do and be the best I can be. She knows how to give Tough Love, and how to be gentle. I am thankful for this time with her. I have learned so much from her.
She has helped me through so much. Before I moved in with her, we hardly knew each-other. She didn't realize what she was getting when she offered. It was a traumatic time for her when I first moved in. My mind wasn't what it needed to be. I spent most my days being 5 years old. I remember some of that time now. I remember her gentleness, her sternness, her worry and care, her frustration. I remember the pride in her face when I would make steps forward. I remember how she would lay with me so I would sleep.
I look back through my time with my Grand Mother, and I tear. I have been so blessed. She saved my earthly life. For that, she's the bestest mom in my world.

(2013-Granny, me, mom, sister. ..Dusty)

One Year.

The end of this months marks one year since I moved out of my parent's home.
I have been through so many things this last year of time.
I have been to the Bahama's. I have been as far as Arkansas.
I have learned so much as well.
I have pretty well "overcome" PTSD.
I have started medication for my arthritis, and gained more braces for my loose joints.
I have learned how to love, and how to deal with anger and other emotions.
I have learned that God's love pays all the price of every sin.
I have begun to learn how to interact with people and be friendly, and make friends of people.
I have gained a dog (Sandy), and lost a cat (Gracey).
I have learned that "growing up" is not a real thing, but maturing and learning is what one should do.
I have learned that God is the point of life, and serving Him through helping others.
I have learned how to fix a toilet, and install an instant water heater to the sink.
I have learned what it means to trust the Lord for things you can't control, and the things you can.
I have learned what is means to pray for others, and to simply care.
I have learned not to assume things about people.
I have learned that He made me worthy.
I have tried many new foods, and found many I like.
I have "made peace" with the troublesome times of my life, and have learned to move on.
...And many other things.

With just less than three weeks left until I've lived here a year I have been looking back to see how far I have come in this time. Mentally, and Spiritually I am a whole new person. Physically I am more of a person. Much has changed in me... Thanks to God Himself, and my wonderful Grandmother.