challenges.

It is amazing how most the challenges I have faced in my life, I never thought I would! Either because I didn't know they existed until I faced them, or just because I didn't think that it would be me. A very interesting challenge started several weeks ago, and I'm not sure if it is over or not, but I know that the only I have gotten through it intact is my Lord. Not because I clung to Him, because to be honest I even tried to run from Him for a while, but because He clung onto me.
I am so thankful to be His child.
I'm so happy that He loves me no matter what I do.
Last night He faced me with this, and how I have been ignoring Him, yet using Him in the above mentioned trial.
He gave me a chance of me and Him as I waited at church. All other people had left, or were elsewhere, and I sat in the auditorium in prayer. I cried to finally confess to Him my short coming, and to begin to make right my relationship with Him.

It's interesting how I know that nothing is better without Him, yet I will pull away. Whether I just got distracted, or because I fled from His presence, I will for a time turn away from Him and look at other things, only to find anything else brings loneliness and pain. Only with Him is there joy, peace, love... Without Him, life is pretty empty.



Galatians 5:22-23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

Stubborn.

Everyone knows that person who can dig their heels in, and not even a speeding train could budge them. Well, that's my Granny... and that's me. I've learned much from her on this subject in the last couple of years. I, instead, call it determination. I have to be determined (Stubborn) to get through a day. If I wasn't, I'd just stay in bed all the time because the world and life is one big uphill battle. Just getting up and dressed some mornings takes everything I've got, and then I have the whole day to tackle!
I know I am not alone in facing these challenges, both in that many others face them, and that my Lord is with me. I'm supposed to learn when quit. I've always thought I'd quit once I'm down and literally cannot move anymore, (so, dead. When I'm dead.) But apparently that's not how I should handle it. I'm supposed to give in, declaring "I can't."
It is amazing to me, because I know I can't, yet I do anyway. Most days, I'm walking by God's grace alone. I can feel my muscles give in, and my knees hurt past feeling, yet I keep going. To say "I can't" and go sit in the corner doesn't feel like an option to me. I can, until I truly can't. Pain is not a reason to not push on. Not to me.
I think of Christ, who carried His cross until He collapsed. Who carried my Sin away by His death. He gave His all, in His life and through His death, why should I do any less?




Colossians 3:17
And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.

Colossians 3:23
And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;

Mark 12:30
And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

To love is to choose, to choose is to serve, to serve is to live. I will give my all in my life.

As God "Can not love more, and will not love less." So is my goal to serve Him and others for Him.

With the Joy of the Lord shining on my face, I willingly, patiently, actively, wait upon Him day by day; Depending on Him for my strength for the day.

Assumptions.

So many people make assumptions based on what they see at first glance. The one I personally hear the most is that I have everything easier because I am young; This usually refers to health. It is apparently impossible for people to grasp that anyone under the age of 40 can have physical problems. Everyone knows people just go by what they can see, the Bible even says so.
1 Samuel 16:7
"But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart."

For years and years when I catch myself starting to assume about someone, and pause and try to think of better reason they are acting the way they are. Instead of assuming the worse of someone, I think, "Well, maybe they have some deeper problem. Some situation they are dealing with, and this is the best they can do right now."

Everyone has different limitations, and everyone's limitations vary over their lives as trials and troubles come. For an example EVERYONE should be able to understand: You can do more and do better, and more happily when you are well, and less so when you have a cold or the flu. A greater scale exists, but I know all should be able to read that one.

I know a lot of the "you're young and fine" assumption comes from acting like I'm super woman. I like to work hard... not work hard "for my age," or "for my disability." I don't like people to look at me and see "less than." No one likes that.

I want to do my best. If I'm not stumbling down from pain and exhaustion, then I haven't done my best. I could do more. A lesson someone has been trying to teach me, is that it isn't always best to do your best. Sometimes it's better to do 75 everyday so that the overall is stronger and better. So that endurance withstands the test of time, day after day.

Maybe my worst assumptions are about myself. Where is my inner voice to defend myself from the assumptions and judgements I place on me?

But, then, where in the Bible does it ever say to do anything at only 75%?

Gossip.

It's hard to over hear bad-mouth gossip about yourself. It's not really something I've had to deal with much until recent days. I can't say I've never said a bad word about someone else, being around it constantly it is hard not to take part. In 1st Peter a challenge is given to be that you would suffer for Christ, and not suffer because of being sinful.


1 Peter 4:14-16
 "If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye; for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you: on their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified.
 But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men's matters.
 Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf."

Proverbs 15:2
"The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness."

Proverbs 17:28
"Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding."

James 1:26
"If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain."