The day is coming.

Many days are coming... Lord willing.
But the closest is when I go to see about getting a job. Above all the feelings like excitement, and curiosity looms a dark feeling of anxiety. I want to go and earn money and do something with my day... but I've never really done anything before, and I'll have to deal with people, and a bunch of other things that all together just make me want to cry and hide.
I've have to do 19 years of growing up in the last 6 months. Most the time everything is really terrifying and confusing. A few things now and then, once I am in the mist of it all, really aren't all that bad. Then there is everything else.
Every day is a battle for my mind. Every day I have to figure out some thing that will make me a little better, and a little more independent, and a little more capable. Thankfully I have a teacher who is willing to throw me into the deep water and say "swim.", But also willing to keep me from drowning.

Before a few months ago I never thought I would even live to see 20, now I think I just might. Honestly, a few years ago I never thought I'd reach the age of 18. I never thought of the non-landmark ages. Now I really don't think about reaching an age or not... I know I'm not going to try to stop it.
The time has come and gone since I would hurt myself or wish for death. Though the world is scary and overwhelming at times, I know none of that is the answer. I know now that things ought to be different, which I didn't know before. No one told me what life was, or why I should live it. The only thing I was told by my parents was that trying to kill myself would never work, it'd only make me more miserable.
Now, the day is coming that I will step out into the "real world" and start the first steps in providing for myself.

I must face many things I don't like in life; I must do things I don't *really* want to do; I must go through some bad stuff... But I know it's all kinda worth it... why? Well because of love. Because someone was willing to pull me out of the mud that was choking the life out of me, and say "I love you. I want you to live a good life. I want you to be an independent and capable person." Because of my wonderful Grandmother, sent by God Himself, I am here, and the day is soon coming that I will be an independent and capable person. The first jump into that icy water comes on the 6th of December. I'm (almost) ready.