Depressing Fight.

I all too often think about the future I was always told I would have. Like (almost) every girl, I was born with a desire for family. My thoughts so often go to "One day, when I have a husband" and what he would be like. I look at my examples: My parents, my grandparents, married friends. I look to see how human marriage works.
I see that it is never the same.
I see man and woman married with intent to stay together.
But the workings beyond that... what is the point of it?
Beyond the obvious point of bring children into the world; That doesn't seem to even take marriage these days.
Someone to share the bills with? Someone to kiss? What's marriage all about, I wonder?

"I'll never get married" I say now and again. "I could never love someone who would hit me."
"You shouldn't marry someone who is willing to" Granny would say.
"People change." I reply, "You never know when someone would be willing."

So, I sit and I wonder. The bible gives the marriage example of Christ and the Church. But, that's not a perfect marriage either, is it? Sure, on God's side, He's perfect. But the church... not so much. You still end up with two entities that aren't both giving %100.

I don't know any couple that I would want my marriage to be like. I don't know of any man that would be what I want, and I know for sure I'm not what I would need to be.
Right now, I am young. Only 20 years old. Plenty of time for something to come up. For someONE to come up. But, then I think, "who would want someone like me?"
There is no way I could do everything a wife and mother needs to do.
But then, I think, "Well, if there are people for the lazy, there's got to be people for the invalids."

I seem to like to pick things apart... Not to destroy, but to find out how it works.
I watch people interact, and try to figure out why.
There is so much I don't know about everything, but there is one thing I know... My Lord is in control, and His will-will be done.