Broken.. not "Bad."

I've had a broken life. That is the role of each person in the human race... To live a broken life. Not a "bad" life, not a perfect life.
Since the Fall of Man back in Genesis, everything has been broken. From our fellowship with God Himself, to branches on trees. Broken bones, and broken hearts, everything broken stems from sin.
Now, in my broken life, I remember a lot of bad stuff. I remember a few good times now and then, but not many. I believe this is in part because of what happened to me as a child.
I fight with PTSD, an open wound of the broken. I fight with the thought that I shouldn't have PTSD because of my faith. God should be enough... and He is... But that doesn't make me less human, or less broken and sinful. I know the pain I have caused myself, because of all the bad things I remember, has hurt me twice over again.
It is hard being a broken person, living in a broken world, under the rule of a perfect God who lets us have choices. It's hard trying to be the adult I'm expected to be, when my mind won't let me, and my body fights it.
The thing I seem to repeat the most is "I can do it!" I say this usually when Granny and I are working together, and I am obviously in a good amount of pain, and Granny is trying to take over so I can rest a minute. I do love that she would do that, but it isn't helping me learn how to push past the pain anyway. Life isn't going to say "Let me do that a bit, and you rest a minute" when I am hurting. Life is an uphill battle... Which is okay with me since Heaven sits on the top of the hill. But that doesn't make it easier to climb, it just makes it worth it.