Getting Personal.

I don't get personal often or easily. I'll talk about my family, the weather, my Lord, but I grow wary when it comes to talking about myself. Whether it is how I am feeling physically, or what I am thinking, or if it is something I've lived. I always leave something out when I tell a story that might be considered personal, when I tell anything at all.
Even on my worst days, when everyone knows there is something wrong I say "I'm fine" and walk on. It is an area of me that I hold on too tightly to. It is not easy to live in a lonesome walk such as this, but fear holds me here... And that is not how I should be living.
Even those that do not have the confidence of Christ know that it is no way to live. One of the ways I have tried to open up a little bit, is here. This blog has been a mild outlet when I have felt brave enough to share something I know few will look at. Most of my posts get no more than 6 views, with those intriguing titles pulling in a whole 12-14 views.
Especially within the house of believers we are to be at least somewhat open, because we are told to bear one another's burdens. (Gal6:2)

I know I still don't have any close friends because I don't want people to know enough about me to be close. People can't be trusted. It comes down to that. I tried, got hurt, and I know people are people and they are all people, and people lie, cheat, steal... they sin, just like me.

Even when I write a biblical blog post, it is usually more centered around someone else and their experience rather than my own. Because God forbid that I should clue people in on my sins and shortcomings. Not because I want to seem perfect, but because I don't want them used against me. It seems enough pain to know that I have stumbled away from my Savior yet again, that I choose sin, without the added pain of negative comments from people. I know in my heart that only the opinion of Christ truly matters, but it still hurts when the opinions of others are against me. I'm sure it's the same for you.
I can not seem to even make myself talk through a whole conversation. If it's getting personal, or uncomfortable in any minor way, I run. Sometimes literally run.

I don't think talking has ever been my thing. Some times I think I do not have "a thing." I look at everything I can't do, and that is my problem. Looking at my failings... Looking at me instead of God.

One of my main defences is a quick wit drowned in sarcasm. So, I am trying to memorize Eph 4:29-32 since most of the sarcasm is down right wrong. But, what verses tell one to be open, and ready to be hurt by the world? I know Paul was. He knew that God was the beginning and end of all things, and that all in his life was something of which God could gain the glory. The good, the bad, the righteousness, and sin were all used to teach and help others see God for who He is, and what we are.
Maybe instead of running away from being personal, I should personally share to God's glory. Not that I should revel and reveal and live in all the bad things I keep so carefully guarded, or share every opinion asked or not. But maybe I should look for ways to share my own personal testimony to God's glory. Maybe instead of answering "I'm fine" or "I'm here" when asked how I am doing on a rough day, I should answer with a smile "I'm hurting, but, praise God, I'm living!"