Lacking Surrender.

How lacking I was! I hardly noticed as I continually pushed my Savior away. "Right after this," I'd say, and something else would always take it's place. My nights began with heartless apologizes, and hardly a glancing thought of my Lord until the next night. I hardly realized the inner turmoil this caused until I changed. Finally, one night it was a heartfelt prayer, and I was ready to change to be what my Lord wants me to be. While some of my turmoil could be blamed on hormones, I know in my heart that much could have been saved if I had been near my Savior.

I write this not for any who may read it, but to be a reminder for myself of what is important in my life.
I've heard calls from the pulpit "Give your life to Christ! Surrender!" I realized that, though I believed, and though I have sought to claim that surrendering, I continually pick it up and call it "my life." It is no longer, and I need to remember that in every moment of every day, and every night.

Romans12:1-3 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.

Galatians 2:20I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I,but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.